I wannas sexs uuuuu
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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