Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
