how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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