i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's shark week go big or go home
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
