if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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