I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize