I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
