Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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