we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
