i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize