I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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