how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
