Me. At least after what I've been through.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
