so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I skipped work to stalk him.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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