Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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