I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
