the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
