What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
