So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Of course I have a pirate flag
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
