He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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