It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
