Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
