What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
