Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
