Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
