No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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