i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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