I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize