Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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