I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize