Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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