I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
