Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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