she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
