Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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