I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
operation have a gay friend backfired
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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