He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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