I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
