If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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