shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
