I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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