The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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