My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
