People in love make me want to vomit
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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