just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
