I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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