covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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