cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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