i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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