I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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