I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
