when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize