I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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