Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
