My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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