Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
