If i come over, it means nothing
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
