ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
