Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize