Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
