it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
