oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize