The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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