Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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