when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just invented taco cereal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
