you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
